‘I gave my boyfriend a hand job using this futuristic space egg and he bloody loved it’ – Tenga eggs

When it comes to sex toys, women are Living. The. Dream. We’ve got vibrators for every occasion, teeny toys so discreet they could be mistaken for legit works of art, and contraptions that do a pretty good job of simulating oral… our vulvas really are spoilt little millennial brats.

But when you think of guys’ sex toys, it’s impossible not to imagine a disembodied vagina-xenomoroph hybrid that looks so disturbing only a flamethrower could kill it. Most dudes I know wouldn’t put their d*ck within a mile of those things.

Tenga are a forward-thinking (like,’10million years in the future’ forward) Japanese sex toy company that have got male sex toys DOWN. Firstly, they don’t look like a vagina fell through a black hole and was stretched by spaghettification (a legit, terrifying thing). And secondly, they’re made from material so silky it could have been beamed down from Jupiter.

When Tenga Eggs were recommended to me, I was approx 90% disturbed to my core and 10% intrigued. An egg ain’t exactly the most arousing of items and I couldn’t really grasp how sticking your penis into something that could’ve come out of a chicken’s butt would be anything other than weird AF.

Although they look hard and odd, the egg is actually just the outer casing. Think of them like Russian dolls: crack (I hate myself) one open and inside is another, smaller silicone egg. The toy has a little opening it in (that’s where the lube, swiftly followed by the penis, goes) and inside are textured ridges. Each is different depending on the variety but I went for ‘Clicker’ which is basically loads of tiny bobbles.

After squeezing the enclosed ‘hole lotion’ (that’s lubricant to you and I) into the egg, I cautiously guided it onto my boyfriend’s erect penis. Sure, it looked absolutely bonkers, but our teenage giggling abruptly ended because newsflash: it felt INSANE.